My journey has two intertwined threads - elements which mirror each other as exactly as the two chains of the double helix. One is the medical history. The physical injury, the illness, the happening, the happened, the inevitable and the unavoidable.
The parallel
thread is my emotional response. The disbelief, the grief, the doubt,
the flung out, the anger, the banter, the bargaining, the accepting,
the clenching of teeth, the sick to the teeth, the pain, the no-gain.
Why me? Why me now? I'm living, I'm dying. I want to live and escape
it. I want to die to escape it. I'm trapped and that's that. Get me
out of it. I hate it. I hate this illness, what its done to me. It took
away my love, my love of life, my freedom - my freedom to love. It threatened
my life. I want my life back. This is not me. But it happens and this
for me is more than no good. And even if it makes me stronger, why should
I have to go through it - I don't want to go through it.
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